Getting ready for a trip to Paris means hitting the books. Guide books that is. The choice is amazing - everything's been researched, from the city’s monuments, restaurants, gourmet food, to lingerie shops (there are lots of these). What’s missing? A guide to the city’s inhabitants. Parisians can be intimidating with their impossibly thin profiles, trend-setting chic and "dangerously high self-esteem" (my daughter's expression). How can we Americans in our jeans and sneakers hope to win them over?
The short answer: act like a Parisian. Beneath that famous veneer of superiority actually lies a simple code of etiquette. It’s not as ingratiating as an audience with the Queen, but it does require some thought. Once you begin to observe the ritual, you will be treated like like one of them. After all, don't we expect visitors to our shores to play by our rules?
The best place to study Parisian etiquette is in a cafe. Any one will do. The Parisian cafe is a casual option on the dining scene usually with sidewalk seating. Cafes are open to anyone who wants to sit, have coffee, a glass of wine drink or enjoy a simple meal. What you learn by watching Parisians in action will be more useful than all the information you will be fed on a day-long bus tour.
I first studied Parisians at the Cafe du Marche on the corner of Rue Cler and Rue du Champs de Mars in the 7th arrondisment. For a time, this cafe was my first stop upon arriving in Paris. It’s always full at mealtimes and seems to radiate an atmosphere of inclusion. On weekends I would meld into the general scene - sitting alone but surrounded by extended families lunching together. The capable, good natured staff keeps everyone happy even when the place is packed.
Americans are quick to notice the familiar manner in which Parisians greet one another. Even casual friends exchange two-cheek air kisses. This ritual, with its little touch of intimacy - a brush past the cheek, the sound of a kiss - is more sensuous than the English handshake. What’s more, all transactions, even at a newstand, are initiated by : “Bonjour" or "Bonsoir" if it’s evening, delivered with direct eye contact. If you’re asking for something, you end with "S'il vous plait". When your request is satisfied, you say "Merci". A departing diner or shopper will turn and say, "Au revoir" at the door. As a rule, most Parisians are politely mindful of one another.
It’s not that Americans don’t know how to be courteous. We are just not accustomed to going through the simple motions of being polite. The Parisians, on the other hand, require it.
Take, for example, the typical coffee break. A Starbucks customer stands in line and orders: "I'll have a colossal, double half-caf caramel skim latte hold the foam." The encounter is rapid and impersonal. Fast service is implied; after all the customer is there waiting at the counter.
In a Paris cafe the seated customer addresses the server thus: "Bonjour. Un cafe creme, s'il vous plait.". The order is formal and polite, the coffee comes with no frills, but neither is there any rush.
This primary rule of Parisian etiquette is well within everyone's reach. You can even practice at home. If you're interested in learning more about table manners, street saavy, and dressing tips, please join me for a free half-hour discussion at Whole Foods Gold Coast Market on Huron St., Tuesday evening, August 22 at 7 PM. You can register at the store’s Customer Service desk or by emailing
